Face In The Crowd – Week 4

A FACE IN THE CROWD – WEEK 4

Here in the mobile FITC command center, this week located behind the dumpster at the Mini-Mart on Mike Munchak Boulevard at Jake McCarthy Plaza in the glistening Electric City (something behind the dumpster is glistening – it’s either the remnants of rainbow slushies or some sort of biohazard), we are preparing for the Bell Game. As I’ve stated many times, I love rivalry games. I also love the Bee Gees, but that may be irrelevant.

Still reeling from our 2-3 performance in the Fistfight picks of last week, I have attempted to make some changes. First, I tried to fire Sparky, but he barricaded himself under the lattice work at the command center, huddled under my Garth Brooks action figures. Don’t judge me. Being the soft-hearted sort that I am, I made the executive decision to keep Sparky around as lead researcher and statistician for one more week, or at least until I can smoke him out.

Enough chicanery. Let’s get to our five lessons learned to this point in the season.

LESSON 1

The story of the season thus far, without even a close second, is the Western Wayne Wildcats. Last week’s victory over Lidge Kellum and Wyoming Area served notice to the rest of District 2 that the Cats are most certainly for real. Josh Vinton is a pile-driver of a back, another in a long line of Wildcat rushers who can move the sticks. Another challenge looms for Dub-Dub this week, but we’ll get to that in the Fistfights! For now, let’s congratulate Coach Shane Grodack and his group for an impressive start to 2024.

LESSON 2

Alas, the Wyoming Valley Conference is a morass of mediocrity. As a group, the conference has compiled a record of 9-27 over the first three weeks. Yes, you read that correctly. There are exactly two WVC programs that currently sport a winning record. Both Wyoming Area and Lake-Lehman are 2-1. Five of the twelve WVC programs are winless, including, gasp, Dallas and Berwick. Looking across the district classifications, it would assuredly be difficult to predict that any WVC school will procure a district title.

LESSON 3

In keeping with the lesson above, I have two scores for you. Lackawanna Trail 35 Berwick 0. Susquehanna 25 Dunmore 21. Let’s turn back the clock a few decades. Those two finals would have been unthinkable to fans in NEPA. It is truly an indication of the seismic shift in the balance of power in our area. Oh, how the once mighty have fallen. When he heard the score from Susquehanna on Saturday, Sparky said he felt a tremor under the command center. Perhaps. Or perhaps it was just his inability to rid himself fully of the effects of his addiction to FunYuns.

LESSON 4

Revenge of the Nerds is an underappreciated cinematic classic. The bullied become bullies. The nerds, using superior guile and intellect, turn the jocks into laughing stocks. And who doesn’t love a good Curtis Armstrong vehicle? Not sure why his portrayal of Dudley “Booger” Dawson did not warrant Oscar consideration. But I digress. Susquehanna, Carbondale, and Holy Cross are all 2-1. Once bullied, these programs have arisen. I believe that two of them will be 3-1 after this weekend. The Fistfight section will have more details on that subject. The Sabers, Chargers, and Crusaders are nerds no more! And remember, two 7’s always beat a frush.

LESSON 5

The 3A race in District 2 is extremely compelling. Six of the ten schools in that classification have records of either 3-0 or 2-1. If the season were to end today (I know – I hate that statement, too), we could project potential semifinal matchups including Western Wayne, Mid-Valley, Prep, and Wyoming Area. While I have my thoughts on how that might turn out, it does make for some compelling ball games. The Spartans still have trips to Western Wayne and Prep left on their schedule, so we’ll get some indication as to the relative strengths of those teams prior to district playoff time.

I know that those lessons are a bit more substantive than some of my prior offerings. I’ve been told that not many of my loyal throng of readers get my obscure and arcane allusions. So I tried to put a bit more meat on the bone for all of you this week. There will be a quiz coming on the lessons unless Sparky sold the printer on the black market for more FunYuns. Now, on to this week’s slate of Fistfights!

FISTFIGHT #5 Wilkes-Barre Area (1-2) at Dallas (0-3)

Will the real power in the WVC Division 1 please step forward. It is my contention that the winner of this contest will garner the hardware in this league at season’s end, even though I believe Crestwood might still have some say in that outcome. This certainly qualifies as a suitcase game with the loser setting course on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Fun fact. That road takes you right past Sparky’s shack/hut/hovel/hermitage in downtown Gouldsboro. On their home field, I’ll take Mannello’s Mountaineers in a game where defense will only be an ugly rumor.

FISTFIGHT #4 Carbondale (2-1) at Holy Cross (2-1)

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! They’re already calling this the Conflict at Crotti Field. Ok, maybe they’re not, but they should. And I’m hazy on who “they” actually are. But I digress. This is my Keith Jackson game of the week. Old Keith would show up at this one and say, “When these two schools get together and start slamming shoulder pads, you can bar up the windows and call for the constable.” He said stuff like that. I’m going to lean here toward the boys from the Pioneer City. Sparky is a big fan of the Chargers since he and his girlfriend, Eunice, vacation in Carbondale every summer. Eunice will be the one wearing a Chargers’ t-shirt and sipping whiskey-flavored cough medicine.

FISTFIGHT #3 Western Wayne (3-0) at Crestwood (1-2)

As I mentioned earlier, the Dub-Dub Cats are my story of the year. They have also been victorious in Fistfights on the last two weekends. But…both occurred within the friendly confines of Varden Garden. No Varden jokes this week. Remember, I kid because I love. This week, Western Wayne travels to Mountain Top to face Crestwood and talented multi-purpose quarterback, Jaden Shedlock. That’s no easy trip for Coach Grodack and his crew. Still, I believe in Cat Magic. I’ll take Western Wayne in a roller coaster affair that will not be settled until the game’s waning moments.

FISTFIGHT #2 Abington Heights (2-1) at Valley View (2-1)

This is, perhaps, the most confounding contest of the coming weekend. Abington Heights made a serious statement in the Back Mountain on Friday, laying one on Dallas on the Mounts’ home turf. After an opening loss to East Stroudsburg South, the Comets have looked like a serious contender in the LFC Division I and also in the District 2 5A race. There may be no quarterback who strikes fear in the hearts of enemy defensive coordinators in the way that Nick Bradley does. But, I’m a buyer of Valley View. In the last two weeks, the Cougars posted gut-check wins over Crestwood and Wilkes-Barre area, two solid WVC foes. I’ll take them on their home field in another close one.

FISTFIGHT #1 Scranton Prep (2-1) at Delaware Valley (0-3)

Forget their record. Delaware Valley is a quality football team that is impeccably coached. The winner of this late Saturday afternoon contest stretches out in front for Division 1 honors. Milford is no picnic, literally and figuratively. The Jesuit Giants will make the trek out on Interstate 84, still smarting from their loss to powerful Canisius High School of Buffalo. Both of these teams have been battle-tested and should be ready to play winning football. It is my belief that Prep is the best team in District 2, regardless of classification (see the Power 5 to follow). DV will be the best 0-4 team in the commonwealth. Prep in a knee-knocker.

So, there you have it. 5 lessons and 5 fistfights. Sparky is ready for the Bell Game. He found some FunYuns in the dumpster across from Memorial Stadium. Addiction is a terrible thing.

And now…the Power 5!