The Rick, Week 4 – 2019
By Rick Notari, BDFN
(1276-350 overall, .784 winning percentage)
Mr. Big Stuff
I must admit, The Rick has been a bad boy. It’s been so boring winning so much and so easily, that I needed something more competitive. So The Rick headed up to the Sioux Moon Casino and its new Susquehanna Sports Book. Wow! What a place! All the white birch beer, wings and wagers a sports prognosticator could ask for!!!
The only problem is The Rick won big. So much so that his new found friends – Garrison, Sidney and Dominick – were alerted by SMC officials. The Sea Monsters brought me in for a sit down. It seems as though my trip to Susquehanna County last Saturday violated the terms of my probation. They told me I am not allowed to leave Lackawanna County.
Who do they think they are telling The Rick where he can wager and prognosticate?
The Rick appealed the Sea Monsters decision and asked to talk to someone with higher authority. Enter the GM of the probation office – CK. CK is a former defensive back and currently the president for the NPF Network. He was named GM just this past year, paired with some no-nonsense boss nicknamed, Chucky. Anyway, CK told me he was shipping me west to re-enter the program as part of violating the conditions of my probation.
So off to Oakland (a section of Pittsburgh) I went. But The Rick is a free man. No one is going to tell him what and where he would get to prognosticate. So I protested.
First, I refused to practice because I was still suffering from the effects of frostbite on my feet from 2014 when CK sent me to South Williamsport to cover a game in the freezing temperatures. The Rick had to sit outside and broadcast the game because CK didn’t reserve us a spot in the warm press box. Then, I couldn’t find a Fedora to fit me. I have had the same Fedora since 1986, but the NPF Network specified that I wear a CK certified Fedora. What the heck does CK know about Fedoras?!?!
The Rick finally found a Fedora to fit his head, and his feet had recovered from the five-year old frostbite, but I still didn’t want to practice. So that’s when The Rick dyed his goatee blonde and starting calling himself, ‘Mr. Big Stuff.’ Guess what CK did? He fined me! And it wasn’t some Kangaroo Court fine either. He fined me 75 percent of my pay – a whole TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN DOLLARS and FIFTY THREE CENTS!!!
So I punted a football after having a (staged) verbal fight with CK before practice and told him to ‘Fine that!’ There was no way I was staying in Oakland. Six hours later, I couldn’t believe it. CK released me from the BDFN!!! I couldn’t believe it! The Rick was a free man! I did cartwheels on the Cathedral of Learning lawn and called my Grandma to tell her – ‘GRANDMA! I’M A FREE MAN!’
Nine years of being tied down by CK and the BDFN.
Nine years of breaking records and being the best internet high school football analyst in Old Forge.
Nine years! Finally, I was free!
Within three hours, The Rick received a call to sign with CK’s bitter rival – OFRN Radio. The Rick jumped at the offer – ever though it was below market value of Mr. Big Stuff – and will now torture CK and the BDFN for the rest of his career.
Crazy world isn’t it? Knock on wood if you’re with The Rick…
Let’s make some picks!
THE RICK’S PICKS
(41-12 Overall, 34-19 ABPI)
May their first child is a masculine child (Class 6A) 3-0 Overall, 3-0 ABPI
Delaware Valley (-39 ½) at Wilkes-Barre Area
I am not sure what made Delaware Valley so upset last weekend but let’s hope Wilkes-Barre Area doesn’t give the Warriors anything to post on a bulletin board. The Warriors dropkicked, pile-drove and stone-cold stunned Wallenpaupack over and over again last week in a 70-0 victory. The Wolfpack have played much better than anticipated so far in their first year together and are just a two-point conversion aware from being 3-0. However, Delaware Valley is no sheep. The Wolfpack stay hungry this week.
Delaware Valley 54, Wilkes-Barre Area 14
The Luca Brasi (Class 5A) 3-0 Overall, 3-0 ABPI
Scranton (pick) at Wallenpaupack
Scranton was on the cusp the first two week before breaking through with a victory last week against North Pocono, scoring on the final play of the game for the comeback win. Wallenpaupack has had a tough start to the season, and was curb-stomped last week at Delaware Valley. The Buckhorns will need to contain Knights quarterback Tylil White if it wants a chance to win this one. White was electric in last week’s win and will look to continue to power the Scranton offense tomorrow night at the lake. The Rick takes the Knights in this pick ‘em (according to the BPI).
Scranton 27, Wallenpaupack 21
Don’t ask me about my business (Class 4A) 2-1 Overall, 1-2 ABPI
Valley View (-18) at Scranton Prep
Valley View and Scranton Prep have been two titans in the LFC the past few years and this game may be a battle to see if both can continue that role in their respective classifications. Valley View is the sure fire favorite in LFC 2 while Prep is a contender. But the Cavaliers have an early non-league blemish on its record and it’s a big one – a lopsided loss to Wyoming Area. The Cougars on the other hand have been chopping wood at a break-neck pace. The Rick sees that pace continuing on Saturday afternoon.
Valley View 48, Scranton Prep 8
Leave the gun, take the cannoli (Class 3A) 3-0 Overall, 3-0 ABPI
Lakeland at West Scranton (+14)
Lakeland got a much needed victory last week when they put the brakes on the high-octane Riverside offense. And while its defense was solid, its offense has yet to get clicking. Much of that is attributed to some bumps and bruises to tailback Giovanni Spataro. West Scranton on the other hand has yet to find its rhythm on either side of the ball. The Invaders have been pasted the first three weeks and hope to get on track against the Chiefs. An 0-3 record isn’t the way any team wants to start the season, but all is not lost for West. There are many winnable games left on the schedule, and this is one of them. The Rick expects an invasion of the end zone this week by West Scranton.
West 24, Lakeland 20
Going to the mattresses (Class 2A) 2-1 Overall, 2-1 ABPI
Susquehanna at Mid Valley (-11)
This may not be the most attractive game on the board this week, but Mid Valley comes off a bye week after its upset of Dunmore in Week 2. The Spartans probably would have liked to use that momentum immediately in its following week’s game. But instead, Mid Valley got to take the week off, get a little rest, and fine tune the engine. Susquehanna on the other hand is in need of a bye week. The Sabers are banged up and beaten down after its first three weeks. Susquehanna did manage to score twice last week to end its loss to Old Forge on a positive note. But that wasn’t enough last week, and won’t be this week. The Rick is positive of that.
Mid Valley 31, Susquehanna 13
I ain’t no bandleader (Class 1A) 2-1, Overall, 0-3 ABPI
Lackawanna Trail at Dunmore (+1 ½)
What a game this was in 2018! Lackawanna Trail shocked Dunmore and used the game as a springboard to hosting the District 2 Class 1A title game. From there, the Lions mauled Old Forge and made a run to the PIAA Championship Game in Hershey. Can the Lions do it again? The defending Beast of the East started slow in 2019, losing at Northwest to start the season. But it has rebounded and crushed its last two opponents. The Bucks have started slow as well, losing its first two games because struggling against winless Carbondale last week. It has been a very un-Dunmore-like start for the Bucks. And while these two programs seem to be moving in opposite directions this season, The Rick thinks the sting of last year’s loss will motivate Dunmore this week.
Dunmore 21, Lackawanna Trail 15
Time to settle all family business (27-8 Overall, 23-12 ABPI)
Abington Heights (+5) over North Pocono
Tunkhannock over Honesdale (+8)
Western Wayne over Montrose (+72)
Riverside (-21) over Hanover Area
Lake-Lehman over Carbondale (+34)
Old Forge over Holy Redeemer (+61)
Williamsport (-14) over Hazleton Area
Berwick over Valley West (+33)
Dallas over Pittston Area (+34)
Pottsville over Crestwood (+24)
Wyoming Area over Nanticoke (+53)